Me and my stupid names for people.
I go to Dallas tomorrow.
I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'd like to go somewhere I've never been but I've been feeling dull this week.
For no apparent reason, there was a St. Patrick's Day party this past Friday, so I found a green shirt and attended.
It wasn't particularly wild, but I'm not a wild guy very much so I didn't mind.
Wrongtree was there and, unfortunately, got very drunk and started trying to...seduce me? There's a better word, but it escapes me presently.
Wrongtree is my name for that friend of mine who's become interested in me, even though technically I'm the one who is the wrong tree to bark up.
Am I not just so damn clever?
Besides, I like the way Wrongtree sounds.
I also like the surname Hartigan: how the word has to come from the throat, bounce back from the teeth and rebound outwards from the back of the tongue. It has the feel of a something ricocheting about when you say it, something nice and tough. The name is for a character from that comic book I've never read that is being adapted into that movie I want to see with all the stark black and white with the shocking occurances of yellow and red.
Gorgeous. When I drew (5, 6 years ago?), I drew like that, and everybody told me I needed to use more color, but they were Wrong.
Wrongtree, to my ears, has a voice like a child. It's not necessarily high pitched but her words have a pleading quality to them.
She starts off trying to tickle me.
That's not very dignified.
But then she (apparently) got too drunk to stand and so collapsed onto me, where I had to bear-hug her to keep her upright while she quasi-whined at me to dance with her, all the while glaring menacingly at everyone who gave me the thumbs-up sign.
Except for Inamorata, who, after gently explaining I wasn't interested in Wrongtree, I made doe eyes at like I always do.
She told me just to "Be nice to her," which was of course wonderful and sage advice, coming from her. If anyone else had said it, I'd have poured my damn drink on them.
She and I spoke a little, about nothing important, but I was being chased around by Wrongtree, and Inamorata would naturally pay more attention to her doting boyfriend, whose name I haven't made up yet.
I don't hate him, he happens to be a friend of mine and a good guy.
I could call him 10,000 spoons. That's amusing.
I'll have to think about that one.
I do not like the word Inamorata anymore, it's a name I made up in the heat of stupidity, but I can't just go changing these things whenever I list.
Wrongtree then entered the I-don't-drink-a-lot-but-I'm-trashed-now-and-oh-my-god-what-have-I-done-phase where she starts saying how stupid everyone must think she is while I tried to keep her calm, and explain to her that I didn't thought less of her, which is true. I just don't like her that way.
She needed to go home, she couldn't stand, and she was too drunk to keep herself from saying thnigs she was going to regret, but her ride didn't appear to care when I told her.
In fact, everyone looked to be pointedly ignoring us, so I had to help her to the bathroom to be sick, which she turned out to not to be.
I was remembering this nightmare I'd had about a week before where I had displayed my lesser qualities to make Wrongtree do every perverted and nasty thing I could think of, because in the dream she thought it would make me love her.
Emo of me. Stupid. Melodramtic.
But I can't so easily dismiss that vicious pleasure I felt when I realized I'd broken her. When she had that stupid stupid hope in her eyes.
In the dream. I didn't actually do this. That's a detail I shouldn't gloss over, for the sake of my sanity.
Other people question my sanity enough.
Yesterday, the landlord's son decided to show potential tenants through my house unannounced, once again. I had to put up my sword, because I had been playing with it.
What good is having a sword if you can't play with it?
It was a couple (again), who wanted to see the house, because really it's a one bedroom house. I neglected to tell them about the astronomical gas bill, and I think that's why landlordson thanked me before he left, and I felt bad, because that's not a good surprise to have thrust on you.
Inamorata made me feel all warm and happy inside when she told me I was a good person for trying to take care of Wrongtree, but any good qualities I displayed was simply me trying to keep these lesser qualities of mine in check.
While Wrongtree wasn't physically clinging to me, I went outside to smoke and feel like shit. 10,000 spoons joined me and listened to me bitch and moan about lonliness and my love life.
Yes, I know, thank you.
He told me I wasn't a bad person, etc. I though about telling him how I wanted to steal his girlfriend, and I was barely able to contain my mirth.
After he left I couldn't help it any longer, and I started giggling like one psycho motherfucker, because it was too fucking funny.
Heheheheehehheeheeeheheheheheheheheeehheheheheh heheh ehe hehehe hehe heh ehehehe h ehe he ehhe ehe hhehhe he heh ehhe hheheheh heh he eeehehe heheee hehe he he hehhe heh ehhehehehe h eee hhe heh he
heee
Yep.
Then Wrongtree found me and it was back inside to try and get her to sit down, since she couldn't stand. She tried about 5 more times to try and get me to "dance with her", and I finally made her sit down, which made her cry, of course.
Now people noticed.
At that point I decided it that it should have occured to me that I had made things worse with my continued presence, and I in fact desperately wanted to run away so I found my jacket and did that little trick I do where I'm in plain view but people stop seeing me, and left without anyone noticing. I was far too drunk to drive, and having no one to take me home and nowhere else to stay I opened my trunk from the inside of the car so no one would see, closed myself in and curled up and slept.
So I woke up in a pitch black close space, and of course, I didn't know where I was.
But I didn't panic, although it took me about five minutes to find the latch, because I had turned myself around in my sleep.
It was 4AM, so I didn't think twice about pissing in the parking lot, although I did nearly get caught with my pants down by the police.
You should know things like this.
You should also know that this weekend I purchased a squeaking attack lobster. Because I wouldn't just buy any old lobster.
I named my squeaking attack lobster Oscar, because.
If you bend his tail under his body and release him, he springs forward with a fiercesome SQUEAK.
He also squirts water, apparently.
He's not perfect though, he has a sickly-sweet smell to him, and his anntanae are swept to his left side, but I knew all these things when I picked him out and I will love him irregardless.
Irregardless is now a word, by the way.
I've thought about listing these names I make up for people and who they are. I've also thought about including pictures, but that would probably be just for validation purposes. That would be bad.
Besides, I don't have the skills.
What was I saying about Dallas?
I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'd like to go somewhere I've never been but I've been feeling dull this week.
For no apparent reason, there was a St. Patrick's Day party this past Friday, so I found a green shirt and attended.
It wasn't particularly wild, but I'm not a wild guy very much so I didn't mind.
Wrongtree was there and, unfortunately, got very drunk and started trying to...seduce me? There's a better word, but it escapes me presently.
Wrongtree is my name for that friend of mine who's become interested in me, even though technically I'm the one who is the wrong tree to bark up.
Am I not just so damn clever?
Besides, I like the way Wrongtree sounds.
I also like the surname Hartigan: how the word has to come from the throat, bounce back from the teeth and rebound outwards from the back of the tongue. It has the feel of a something ricocheting about when you say it, something nice and tough. The name is for a character from that comic book I've never read that is being adapted into that movie I want to see with all the stark black and white with the shocking occurances of yellow and red.
Gorgeous. When I drew (5, 6 years ago?), I drew like that, and everybody told me I needed to use more color, but they were Wrong.
Wrongtree, to my ears, has a voice like a child. It's not necessarily high pitched but her words have a pleading quality to them.
She starts off trying to tickle me.
That's not very dignified.
But then she (apparently) got too drunk to stand and so collapsed onto me, where I had to bear-hug her to keep her upright while she quasi-whined at me to dance with her, all the while glaring menacingly at everyone who gave me the thumbs-up sign.
Except for Inamorata, who, after gently explaining I wasn't interested in Wrongtree, I made doe eyes at like I always do.
She told me just to "Be nice to her," which was of course wonderful and sage advice, coming from her. If anyone else had said it, I'd have poured my damn drink on them.
She and I spoke a little, about nothing important, but I was being chased around by Wrongtree, and Inamorata would naturally pay more attention to her doting boyfriend, whose name I haven't made up yet.
I don't hate him, he happens to be a friend of mine and a good guy.
I could call him 10,000 spoons. That's amusing.
I'll have to think about that one.
I do not like the word Inamorata anymore, it's a name I made up in the heat of stupidity, but I can't just go changing these things whenever I list.
Wrongtree then entered the I-don't-drink-a-lot-but-I'm-trashed-now-and-oh-my-god-what-have-I-done-phase where she starts saying how stupid everyone must think she is while I tried to keep her calm, and explain to her that I didn't thought less of her, which is true. I just don't like her that way.
She needed to go home, she couldn't stand, and she was too drunk to keep herself from saying thnigs she was going to regret, but her ride didn't appear to care when I told her.
In fact, everyone looked to be pointedly ignoring us, so I had to help her to the bathroom to be sick, which she turned out to not to be.
I was remembering this nightmare I'd had about a week before where I had displayed my lesser qualities to make Wrongtree do every perverted and nasty thing I could think of, because in the dream she thought it would make me love her.
Emo of me. Stupid. Melodramtic.
But I can't so easily dismiss that vicious pleasure I felt when I realized I'd broken her. When she had that stupid stupid hope in her eyes.
In the dream. I didn't actually do this. That's a detail I shouldn't gloss over, for the sake of my sanity.
Other people question my sanity enough.
Yesterday, the landlord's son decided to show potential tenants through my house unannounced, once again. I had to put up my sword, because I had been playing with it.
What good is having a sword if you can't play with it?
It was a couple (again), who wanted to see the house, because really it's a one bedroom house. I neglected to tell them about the astronomical gas bill, and I think that's why landlordson thanked me before he left, and I felt bad, because that's not a good surprise to have thrust on you.
Inamorata made me feel all warm and happy inside when she told me I was a good person for trying to take care of Wrongtree, but any good qualities I displayed was simply me trying to keep these lesser qualities of mine in check.
While Wrongtree wasn't physically clinging to me, I went outside to smoke and feel like shit. 10,000 spoons joined me and listened to me bitch and moan about lonliness and my love life.
Yes, I know, thank you.
He told me I wasn't a bad person, etc. I though about telling him how I wanted to steal his girlfriend, and I was barely able to contain my mirth.
After he left I couldn't help it any longer, and I started giggling like one psycho motherfucker, because it was too fucking funny.
Heheheheehehheeheeeheheheheheheheheeehheheheheh heheh ehe hehehe hehe heh ehehehe h ehe he ehhe ehe hhehhe he heh ehhe hheheheh heh he eeehehe heheee hehe he he hehhe heh ehhehehehe h eee hhe heh he
heee
Yep.
Then Wrongtree found me and it was back inside to try and get her to sit down, since she couldn't stand. She tried about 5 more times to try and get me to "dance with her", and I finally made her sit down, which made her cry, of course.
Now people noticed.
At that point I decided it that it should have occured to me that I had made things worse with my continued presence, and I in fact desperately wanted to run away so I found my jacket and did that little trick I do where I'm in plain view but people stop seeing me, and left without anyone noticing. I was far too drunk to drive, and having no one to take me home and nowhere else to stay I opened my trunk from the inside of the car so no one would see, closed myself in and curled up and slept.
So I woke up in a pitch black close space, and of course, I didn't know where I was.
But I didn't panic, although it took me about five minutes to find the latch, because I had turned myself around in my sleep.
It was 4AM, so I didn't think twice about pissing in the parking lot, although I did nearly get caught with my pants down by the police.
You should know things like this.
You should also know that this weekend I purchased a squeaking attack lobster. Because I wouldn't just buy any old lobster.
I named my squeaking attack lobster Oscar, because.
If you bend his tail under his body and release him, he springs forward with a fiercesome SQUEAK.
He also squirts water, apparently.
He's not perfect though, he has a sickly-sweet smell to him, and his anntanae are swept to his left side, but I knew all these things when I picked him out and I will love him irregardless.
Irregardless is now a word, by the way.
I've thought about listing these names I make up for people and who they are. I've also thought about including pictures, but that would probably be just for validation purposes. That would be bad.
Besides, I don't have the skills.
What was I saying about Dallas?
posted by Sean at 8:52 AM
2 Comments:
You made a long post just for me? With a good deal of emo?
You do love me.
I knew it.
But seriously, it's not the size of the post...
The other day, I was wondering why I never have any lengthy posts about myself and things that are happening in my life ...
... Then I realized the reason I don't do this is because I don't do anything I consider worth writing about, and that made me a little sad.
Luckily, I have a horrible memory, and I soon forgot about my pathetic existence and watched some TV.
I'm hungry.
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